


The Teen Girl

by ethandiesofdysentery



Category: My Brother My Brother and Me (Podcast), Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF, Sawbones (Podcast)
Genre: Bodyswap, Freaky Friday - Freeform, Gen, Magical Realism, No Fourth Wall, ch. 2 is a transcript, how has no one written this yet, part of a larger universe where the mcelbros are fae, poor rileigh doesnt have a tag yet :(, sawbones episode 91, the brothers are triplets in this, the fourth wall has been fucking obliterated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25906198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethandiesofdysentery/pseuds/ethandiesofdysentery
Summary: Justin is known to attract magical occurances. Sydnee just wishes her little sister could be left out of it.(Or: Sawbones Episode 91: The Teen Girl, a novelization.)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. Justin And Sydnee Have A Technical Glitch, Sort Of.

Sydnee is straightening out a stack of papers next to her laptop with one hand, and holding her precious coffee in the other. It's really not practical, seeing as all the information she needs is on the computer, but it makes her feel like she's in a proffessional office, not sitting at her own dining room table while her husband's half-empty Cheerio box sits dangerously close to the edge.

Speak of the devil.

A figure stumbles out into the kitchen, yawning loudly. Sydnee just waits patiently. There is an unspoken agreement that if Sydnee has set up the little makeshift recording studio, Justin will just sit down and get started. So when her companion plops heavily into the chair next to her, she just begins.

"Hi, and welcome to Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine. I'm your co-host, Sydnee McElroy-"

"-and I'm Justin McElroy."

Sydnee nearly physically jumps in surprise. Where she had expected a low, ever-so-slightly rough voice to speak those words, she hears a high-pitched, feminine, and _oh-so-familiar_ (but not too familiar, if she may hazard the joke) voice instead. She turns to her right and relaxes again. Of course. It's just Rileigh.

With her lovely husband Justin "Juice" McElroy away covering E3, Sydnee had enlisted her little sister to help with this week's episode. She'd been so stuck in routine that she had forgotten that Rileigh was crashing here. Of course.

After having reconciled this new old information with her current physical existence, she snorts. "You're not Justin," she tells her sister, who is starting to look a little concerned underneath her pastel pink hoodie. 

"I… _am_ Justin," she says slowly, reaching up a hand to touch her throat in what looks like surprise.

Sydnee isn't sure where this bit is going, but she's on board. A nice funky little episode couldn't hurt. "I don't know, you look a lot like my little sister Rileigh to me."

Rileigh's eyes widen in shock, and she looks down at herself, grabbing her hoodie in both hands and holding on for dear life. She jerks her head back up, mouth hanging open a little bit before she manages to control it enough to speak. "Syd," she whispers, shaking her head. "Sydnee. Sydster. This isn't a bit. _I'm Justin_."

Anyone else would roll their eyes in disbelief and tell their teenage sister to stop joking around, they're recording, for heaven's sake. But Sydnee is not anyone else. She is married to Justin "Hoops" McElroy, the world's biggest magic magnet. 

"Justin." She stares evenly at not-Rileigh, who's shuddering a little, wrapping her - his? Yes, his arms tightly around himself. "What the fuck."

Justin nods in agreement. "Yeah. My thoughts exactly."

Sydnee would, in any other situation, lightly slap her husband Justin "Island Boy" McElroy across the face, just to express her feelings. But she can't do that, because she's looking at the face of her baby sister.

"Justin," she begins. "I told you to _keep Rileigh out of this_."

///

So here's the backstory.

On a brisk walk through a forest, Clint McElroy stumbled across three babies hidden in a hole of a tree. His first thought was 'wow, that's a pretty good place to store babies'. The second was 'holy shit, those are babies'. 

Clint, who could be considered a pretty chill dude, carried three babies home with his own two hands and decided they were his now.

He named the babies Mike, Eric, and Patrick-

No, come on, you didn't fall for that, did you? He named them Justin, Travis, and Griffin. Keep up. 

Any normal man would have given up the first time he found one of his children floating in circles in midair. But Clint was no normal man. He was a _radio DJ_. So he just kind of rolled with it.

Clint dealt with his magical children pretty well, even though magical occurances kept destroying his house. Justin in particular seemed to be at the heart of the chaos. But that was okay with Clint. He loved his kids anyways.

One time a woman came to the door to talk about religion or what not, and when she saw Griffin somewhere behind Clint, she yelled something like, " _YOU ABSOLUTE FOOL! WHY ARE YOU KEEPING FAE IN YOUR HOUSE?_ ", which wrapped up the "why are my children magical?" plot thread pretty well. 

Years passed, etcetera etcetera, the boys moved out, started a podcast, got married, had some awkward talks with wives about why the dog is six inches tall now, and so on, and so on.

So now it's 2015, probably, Sawbones episode 91, for sure, and Justin's chaotic aura has just fucked shit up again. And with Rileigh, who Sydnee has often decreed should NEVER EVER IN ANY TIME AND CIRCUMSTANCE BE INVOLVED IN THIS CRAZY MAGIC SITUATION. 

Oops, did we mention that already? That's okay, it's kind of a big deal.

So now you're caught up. Any questions? Too bad.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.


	2. The Other Time Justin Was In Someone Else's Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt your coherent storyline to bring you A Precedent.
> 
> [Excerpt from MBMBAM ???: Mildly Weird Monday]

Justin: Hello, everyone, welcome to _muh-bibam_ , advice show, modern era. I'm your oldest and therefore most powerful brother, Griffin McElroy.

Griffin: Hey, wait a second.

Travis: I'm your middlest brother, Travis McElroy, and I think I've been left out of this bit.

Griffin: I'm Justin McElroy, still the oldest brother, no matter what that idiot tells you.

Travis: Hang on, seriously, what's up with this?

Justin: You see, Trav, I, Griffin "Sexy Beast" McElroy, have finally ascended to my rightful place as oldest brother.

Travis: Excuse me?

Justin: I am a very successful and mature brother with a cat and a hot doctor wife. That's so cool of me, the eldest brother McElroy.

Griffin: Hi Justin here, I love my doctor wife please leave her alone?

Travis: OH I got it. This is a Freaky Friday bit.

Griffin: Uh huh. A _bit_.

Justin: No, my dearest brother who is younger than me. This is not a Freaky Friday bit. It's more of a…Mundane Monday.

Griffin: Hi Justin McElroy, still the oldest, again, I'd like to point out that this is not mundane?

Travis: So you'd say this is more of a Wild Weekday thing.

Justin: Oh, yes, younger and thus inferior brother. I would say this is more of a Mildly Weird Monday situation.

Travis: I see. So, what life lesson do you two need to learn about each other to switch back?

Griffin: I hate my brother.

Travis: That's the lesson?

Griffin: I said what I said.

Justin: The lesson is that I deserve the place of alpha brother.

Travis: Hey, you guys realize we're triplets, right?

Justin: Those three minutes make all the difference, my dear Scraps.

Griffin: Please, god, we need a question.


	3. Teens Are Very Into Dabbing And Waking Up In Their Brother-In-Law's Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author has just applied to Marshall after realizing there is nothing stopping them. Rileigh is having a weird morning. These are equally important statements.

Rileigh Smirl has been drugged, kidnapped, and left in an extremely nice hotel room somewhere that she is pretty certain is not Huntington, West Virginia. Well, she's going to guess that's the truth, based off of the fact she feels like she's in her thirties and hungover, and is in a nice hotel room somewhere that she is pretty certain is not Huntington, West Virginia. Rileigh has impeccable deductive reasoning. However, she otherwise can't deduce shit.

"The sharpie mustache is so played out! What are we, twelve?"

"No, we're eleven. Do you happen to have a large quantity of cold water?"

Rileigh now deduces she is in this room with a couple of idiots. This deduction is not helpful.

"Shuddafuuuuckup," Rileigh complains eloquently, in a very un-teen-girl voice, but she was a little too busy swearing to notice.

Teens are very into swearing.

"See? Too loud! Now there's _no_ pranks," one of the voices complains. "Thanks a lot, Griffin."

Huh. Interesting. Rileigh knows a Griffin.

"But a _sharpie mustache_? Really?"

Oh, hey! That _is_ the Griffin Rileigh knows.

"Griffnin?" she says, extremely wordsmith-like, into her pillow. She turns her head the bare minimum to see 'Griffnin' sitting cross-legged on another bed. Standing to his right is Travis, who Rileigh also knows, holding an uncapped sharpie. Noticing he's being watched, he slowly slides the cap back on, smiling innocently.

"Mornin'," Griffin says, looking seriously amused. 

"Morning," Rileigh responds diplomatically, finally becoming concerned about the fact that the voice of an adult man is coming from her throat. "Why did you kidnap me?"

Travis breaks into lung-rattling cackles. Griffin snorts. "I often wonder the same thing, Juice."

 _Juice_?

Rileigh thinks long and hard for about two seconds before her mind starts putting things together despite, or perhaps because of, the heavy amount of alcohol this body has apparently consumed recently.

"This is really going to freak me out when my head stops hurting," says Rileigh Smirl, with the voice, face, and body of Justin "J-man" McElroy.

///

"Sydneeeee _eee_."

"Stop pacing."

" _Sydnee_ eeeeee."

"Justin, _stop_."

Justin "Justin McElroy from podcasts" McElroy has spent the past ten minutes using Rileigh Smirl's face, voice, and body to pace around the kitchen and repeat his wife (mentally)/sister (physically)'s name. The author has spent the past ten minutes trying to figure out the gramatically correct way to write a sentence that grammar would never have expected anyone to write. Neither make any meaningful contribution to the world.

"Sorry." Justin finally stills, exchanging the frenzied pacing for wrapping his arms tightly around himself. "I just _promised_ Rileigh wouldn't get mixed up in this."

Sydnee nods. She's taking this all in stride, somehow. It might just be that _someone_ has to be the adult here. And right now, she's the only adult not trapped in the body of a teenage girl. It's an unconventional situation, but she's still pretty sure that leaves her in charge.

"You're right," she says. "You did promise. But I know you don't really have control over when or how things around you go wack. I knew I was getting into this when I married you." She can't help but smirk a little and add, "Besides, I'm very excited to be here to watch you figure out how to have a girl body."

Justin rolls his teen girl eyes in a very teen girl way. "Puh- _lease_ ," he stretches out, just like all teens are very into doing. "I've been a beacon of chaos magic my entire life. Of _course_ I've been a girl before."

Sydnee barely stifles a snort. It's times like these she remembers the perks of marrying into a family of fae. Okay, she's been overreacting, hasn't she? Justin's weird bursts of magic usually don't last long. And after all, "Rileigh will be okay. She's with your brothers."

Justin and Sydnee suddenly make piercing eye contact, at exactly the second Sydnee's sentence ends. Realization dawns on both of them as the sun dawns on the Earth before eventually dying and sucking the entire solar system into its depths. 

"Oh no," Sydnee says, horrified of her foolish lack of foresight. " _She's with your brothers_."


End file.
